Words
by Ahoy-Cinderella
Summary: ONE WORD ONE-SHOTS / all un-related (unless stated otherwise) one-shots of all ratings prompted by words that people suggest to me. feel free to give me a suggestion if you want.
1. Bump

_one word one shots._

_first word: 'Bump' from Tori._

* * *

_Welcome to this place_  
_I'll show you everything_  
_With arms wide open_

.

"Bri, wake up"

"Bri…"

"Brian!" Olivia grabbed her shoe from the bedroom floor and threw it at her husband who was lying on his stomach still sound asleep.

"Fuck, Liv! What the hell?" Brian shot up in bed and threw the leather boot to the floor as he rubbed his shoulder and the left side of his face where the boot had smacked him.

"Look!"

Olivia turned to the side and pointed towards her stomach, which was now slightly protruding. She ran her fingers over the tight, tanned skin; she was finally getting a bump. Her heart thudded hard in her chest as she realised this was all definitely happening.

Ten weeks ago Olivia had found out she was pregnant, seven weeks along to be exact. She had taken a test at work that morning having already deciding not to tell her husband of nearly three years that she even suspected she was pregnant in fear of getting his hopes up for nothing. She arrived home that evening with the positive test wrapped up in her purse, she had collapsed on the couch in tears, her hand pressed against her stomach as she cried for everything she had ever dreamed of and the fact that it was all coming true.

She and Brian had decided early on that they wanted children, she had wanted children her whole life, a big family, something she had never had growing up and wanted now more than ever now that she had found the man she loved more than anyone in the world. After over a year of trying to get pregnant they slowly began to lose hope, nothing seemed to be happening. So when almost a year and a half later that little plastic stick turned blue she could barely contain her happiness.

Brian arrived home that night and she hesitated to tell him, her heart lodged in her throat as she watched the worry and concern spread across his masculine features as he noticed the red, puffiness of her eyes, the obvious sign she'd been crying.

"_Babe, what's wrong?" He hurried towards her and cupped her face, his fingers gently tracing the slightly swollen skin under her eyes. He quickly kissed her forehead and pulled back "Are you okay? What happened?"_

"_I'm fine, I am" She grinned and wrapped her arms around his waist as she buried her face into his chest and breathed deeply, her fingers latching onto the dark material of his coat as he tangled his fingers in her hair. She felt a few fresh tears fall from her eyes and she chuckled._

"_What is it Liv?"Brian kissed the top of her head just before she pulled back from him, her arms still around his waist. "Tell me babe…"_

"_I'm pregnant" She whispered in the middle of their otherwise silent apartment, the sky just beginning to darken outside in the winter hours. Olivia couldn't help but laugh as Brian pulled away from her wide-eyed, his body still as his gaze shifted between her face and her stomach._

"_You're…we're…"_

"_We're having a baby, honey"_

"What am I looking at?" Brian rubbed his eyes, squinting away from the bright light that shone in the dark bedroom from bedside lamp. "What the hell time is it anyway?" He groaned

"Three am and here" She replied quickly as she leaned onto the bed and grabbed his hand, practically pulling his body over to her side as she stood firmly on the floor and pressed his hand softly against her stomach.

She grinned at the look of amazement on his face when she slowly trailed his hand from the front of her stomach to her hip and back, allowing him to feel the beginnings of a curve to her body.

"That's our kid in there" He laughed, bringing both hands to her stomach as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the curve just above her belly button.

"Yeah it is" Olivia's smile lit up the room as he leaned up and cupped her face with his bed-warm hands, his fingers lacing into the ends of her hair.

Their lips collided in a lazy kiss, hands gently gripping each others bodies as Brian pulled his wife closer, feeling her naked stomach press against his own, he grinned against her mouth "I love you"

.

"Stop scratching"

"Well, it itches" Olivia groaned as she lightly dragged her nails over the now prominent swell of her abdomen. She walked slowly from the bathroom to the living room, the steam from her shower following her.

"The doctor said it's normal" Brian spoke as he threw the sports magazine he was reading onto the coffee table "It's just your skin stretching, it should stop soon"

"Yeah that doesn't make it any less itchy though" She moaned as she sank back into the cushions beside him, bringing her legs up under her, her robe falling from her thigh exposing her full long legs.

"Come on…" Brian took her hands and led her from the living room to the bedroom and instructed her to shed her dark robe and lay on her back in the middle of the bed.

He made his way into the bathroom and grabbed the cocoa butter lotion that Olivia had to buy 'because most pregnant women swore by it for helping ease stretch marks during pregnancy.' Five months in and their child was growing like a weed inside his mothers womb, they had found out that they were expecting a little boy the week before and Brian would never forget the look of pure joy on his wife's face as the tears fell from her eyes, she confessed to him in the car ride home that she had always wanted a son.

"_Do you want to know the sex of your baby?" The doctor turned to the couple that both looked at her wide-eyed_

"_You can tell already?" Olivia asked as she gazed at the screen, she was completely and utterly captivated by the image of her child moving around on the screen, they could now clearly see the head and both arms and legs, the strong heartbeat had filtered throughout the room moments before and she couldn't stop herself from crying at the sound._

"_I can indeed, baby's lying in a prime position…"_

_Brian squeezed his wife's hand "It's up to you babe" He lifted their joined hands and kissed her fingers._

"_Yeah, tell us" Olivia grinned at the doctor who moved the wand around on her stomach before coming to a stop._

"_Well, if either of you could read a sonogram you'd see he's giving us a full view, you've got a little show off here" The older woman laughed_

"_It's a boy?" Brian exclaimed, "We're having a son?"_

_The doctor laughed along with Olivia at his excitement "You are indeed, congratulations you two, you're having a little boy"_

"_Liv, babe, we're having a boy!" He grinned, resisting the urge to jump up and down like a kid at Christmas _

"_Yeah" She beamed "A little boy" She turned her gaze back to the screen watching the fluttering movements of their son, she couldn't help the few tears that fell freely from her dark eyes _

"_Our baby boy" _

"What are you gonna do to me?" Olivia asked slyly as she shifted slightly on the bed, moving one of the pillows down behind her back, keeping her hips slightly propped up from the mattress to alleviate the pain that came from the baby pushing on her spine. "I love you and everything but I'm really not in the mood for sex" She chuckled as she rested her clasped hands under her bump.

"Just be quiet and relax" Brian smiled as he slowly spread her legs and sat between them, pulling her thighs to rest over his own. He smiled at his wife, marvelling at how beautiful she was lying in her black bra and boy shorts, her dark hair fanned out on the pillows beneath her head, her swollen stomach that housed their son sticking out from her usual toned abs. He leaned down and kissed the skin of her thigh quickly before reaching for the body lotion and lathering some on his hands before softly pressing them to her stomach.

"Okay, I could get used to this" She grinned as she closed her eyes and sighed, letting her husband slowly massage the lotion into her skin.

Brian continued to slowly press his fingers into her tight skin, massaging his way from the top of her stomach to all the way down to her knees. The couple lay in almost silence, basking in the quiet romance of the situation.

"Just think in about twelve weeks he'll be here" He smiled as he ran his hands over her stomach again, pressing her left side gently when he felt his son kick against his hand.

"I love when he does that" Olivia grinned, the excitement spread across her face like wildfire as their son awoke inside of her, making his presence known as he pushed against her.

"_Bri, it kicked!" Olivia shouted from the kitchen "Brian!"_

"_What?!" He ran from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist, his hair and body still dripping water from the shower he just jumped out of._

"_The baby just kicked" She smiled wide and lifted her shirt, pressing his still damp hands against her skin, pressing lightly to try and get their baby to kick again._

"_Are you sure? Maybe it…Oh my god" Brian was interrupted by a dull thud against his right hand as their baby made it's presence known._

"_It just kicked" He chuckled as he kissed his wife on the mouth "Our baby just kicked"_

"_Sure did" Olivia laughed, beaming at the feel of their child moving around inside of her as she kissed her husband hard on the lips, her tongue pushing into his mouth, keeping his hands pressed with hers against her slightly growing stomach._

.

"Oh come on!" Olivia chuckled as she watched her husband yell at the TV.

"Now son…" Brian turned a little from his position on the floor and leaned in close to his wife's eight-month pregnant bump "That is called a fumble. No one likes a fumble" He insisted.

"Now I'm not sure that's all true, you don't seem to mind a fumble with me every now and again" Olivia smirked behind the pregnancy magazine she was reading as she lay on the couch on her side, cushions propped up around her body.

Brian's eyes widened at his wife's obvious innuendo, he grinned as he shifted his gaze from her and turned to the other side, his mouth close to her stomach once again "Don't listen to what Mama just said" He said quietly "Yes, it's true, but you probably don't need to know that, although that is how you got in there"

Olivia laughed and closed the magazine, dropping it to the floor beside her husband. She gently ran her fingers through his hair, her nails scratching at his scalp as he tried to concentrate on the football game on their big screen TV.

"Are you trying to turn me on? Because I'm telling you it's working"

She chuckled and gripped his hair "Now that would be teasing, because we both know I can barely move right now never mind have sex"

Olivia had been put on bed rest a little over three weeks ago with strict instructions to limit her time on her feet due to the fact that her son was lying on her sciatic nerve causing her a lot of pain in her back and legs.

"He'll be here soon, all of this will be worth it in a couple of weeks" He turned to her and smiled before kissing her lips.

"Touchdown" Olivia mumbled against his lips, laughing out loud when he pulled away and whipped round to see the players jump around the field with glee as they finally scored.

Brian cheered at the TV and turned to his left and leant in to speak to his son "That's called a touchdown son, everybody loves a touchdown. Unless it's the other team that scores, then we don't like that"

.

"As much as I want him here, I'm really gonna miss being pregnant" Olivia slowly ran her hands over her bump, her eyes drawn to the IV sticking out of the back of her hand.

"He'll be here soon" Brian beamed "Our son is gonna be born today"

Olivia's waters had broken six hours ago and they were still anxiously waiting for the arrival of their little boy, the doctors were happy with her progress and were hopeful that she shouldn't be in labour for much longer.

"I just want him here now, I want to hold him and just…I want my son" She grinned for a second before groaning as another contraction began to rip through her body. She grabbed her husband's hand tight and squeezed trying not to cry out in agony.

Four hours later and Olivia was exhausted, having spent the last ten minutes pushing she was officially ready to give up.

"I can't do it anymore…" She cried, pulling on Brian's hand so he leaned closer to her "You do it for me" she pleaded

"Babe, I would if I could" He chuckled and kissed the side of her head, pushing some of the matted hair back from her face "Come on Liv, you can do it, just think baby, our son's gonna be here any minute"

"I can't…"

"Come on detective, don't give up now" Brian chuckled as she reached over to smack him for his remark.

"Olivia, give me one big push on your next contraction okay? We'll have you're baby out in no time"

Olivia struggled to move on the bed, her body numb from the pain of the contractions, she had wished she had accepted the nurses offer of a epidural hours ago instead of being her usual stubborn self and insisting she could do it on her own.

Moments later she screamed out as another contraction torn through her body, she pushed and pushed, the encouraging words of the nurses and her husband were all a blur, a mess of noise in the background as she felt her baby finally leave her body. She collapsed back on the bed and sighed, her hand covering her mouth as the first loud cries of her son echoed throughout the hospital room.

"Congratulations Mama, here's your baby boy" The doctor smiled and placed the baby on Olivia's chest, the nurse by her side gently wrapped his little body in the white blanket and gently rubbed him as Olivia whispered soothing, welcoming words to her new-born son

"Hey baby, hey, it's okay," She cried with her son, her tears were tears of joy as she watched her son being lifted from her chest, she turned to her husband who had just cut the umbilical cord and was handing the scissors back to the doctor, his own tears sparkling in his eyes.

"The nurse is just going to clean him up, you'll get him back in a minute." The doctor smiled.

"You did so good babe" Brian wrapped his arms around his exhausted yet ecstatic wife "I love you so much"

.

"Here we go baby boy, let's go see your Mommy and Daddy" The nurse carefully handed the baby to Olivia who felt a fresh batch of tears fill her eyes as her son burrowed his little body into her arms.

"Hey baby…Hi" She beamed as her son opened his eyes, his wide-eyed gaze trying to focus on the voice of his mother.

"Looks like he's definitely got his mother's eyes" The nurse smiled as she watched Olivia interact with her son.

Brian watched his wife gently sway the baby back and forth where she sat, whispering soft words of love to their baby boy. He gently sat on the edge of the bed wrapping his arm around her shoulder, his hand softly resting on the top of his son's head, his fingers cautiously running over the baby's soft dark hair.

"Seven pounds exactly, all ten fingers and toes, he's a perfectly healthy baby, congratulations" The nurse told them before leaving the new family to have some alone time.

"He's perfect Bri" Olivia grinned as she slowly ran her finger down the bridge of the baby's tiny nose "You wanna go see Daddy?" She slowly shifted the baby in her arms and carefully handed him over to Brian, feeling a fresh batch of hormones hit her like a freight train when she saw Brian and his son interact for the first time.

"Hey buddy, we've waited a long time for you" He whispered before lifting his son and pressing a soft kiss to his tiny head.

Olivia leaned into her husband, her head resting on his shoulder as she placed her hand over her son's stomach, watching with awe as he stared up at his father with his wide, dark eyes that mirrored her own.

"He needs a name…"

"Whatever you think babe, I can't remember my own name right now" Brian chuckled as he kept his gaze firmly on the new-born in his arms.

"I still like Isaac" She said quietly, her smile widened as the baby turned his gaze to her "You like that baby? You think your name should be Isaac?"

"It suits him" Brian smiled "He looks like an Isaac"

"I think we just named our son" Olivia spoke "Isaac Nicholas Cassidy"

"Nicholas?" He turned his head to face his wife who nodded and kissed him

"Nicholas. After your father"

.

* * *

_thoughts?_

_please leave a review below and if you want me to use one of your words, let me know what it is and I'll see what I can do._

_lyrics: With Arms Wide Open - Creed_

_twitter: ahoycinderella_


	2. Cribs

_m rated._

_word: 'Cribs' from Kate_

* * *

_And you'd be inclined to be mine for the taking_  
_And part of this terrible mess that I'm making_  
_But you, you're the catalyst_

.

"Hey, do we know if they got him?"

Olivia walked quickly into the precinct, placing a takeout up of coffee on her partner's desk before carefully placing one on her own before shrugging off her heavy winter coat.

Elliot stood from his desk, his hands spread out on top "Eh, yeah Liv, they got him"

"Thank god" She sighed "They better throw him in that cell and drop the key in the Hudson"

"He's dead" Elliot replied solemnly "Him and the kids…"

Olivia sank into her seat and sadly ran her hands through her hair, she glanced over at the empty desks opposite hers and Elliot's "They're not back yet?"

He shook his head "They were right there when it happened, I dunno the just of it but Captain said Cassidy's taking it pretty bad"

The squad had been called four days ago about Larry Edmonton. He was a mechanic in the Bronx, had his own successful business and beautiful family. His neighbour had called the police when she witnessed him smacking his fourteen-year-old daughter out in the street.

Munch and Cassidy had been first on the scene; they brought him in for questioning, spent an hour or so with him in the interrogation room while Olivia sat with his three kids. Samantha, the fourteen-year-old was shaking like a leaf the whole time, she had tried to explain to Olivia that her dad didn't do anything, that the old woman next door was just a nosy bitch who would make up gossip about anyone but the bruise that was forming on the side of her face told a different story.

"_Honey, you need to tell me the truth, I can't help you if you don't tell me what really happened" Olivia quietly said to the young teenager who sat opposite her._

"_There's nothing to tell, it was an accident" Samantha replied, turning in her chair to watch her two younger brothers playing with the toy cars on the floor_

"_Do these accidents happen a lot?"_

"_It's not like that!" The blonde girl exclaimed, as she jumped out of her seat "Stop trying to make him out to be a bad guy, he's not! Ever since mom died he's had to take care of us on his own and I know it's hard for him, sometimes he gets mad but he's never hit me before"_

"_What about the boys?" Olivia asked tentatively _

"_He's never touched them either" she dipped her head down and stared at the table. _

_Olivia noticed her hands shaking in her lap "Samantha, if he's done this before you need to tell us, we can get him some help…"_

"_Like what? Throwing him in jail? How does that help? What'll happen to us then?"_

.

Turns out the young girl had been lying about her abusive father, after the background check the team discovered his dead wife had called the cops a number of times claiming domestic assault.

She and Elliot arrested him that day only for him to make bail and be home with his kids in time for dinner. Munch and Cassidy had been sent to check up on the family and got caught up in what could only be described as a hostage situation in the family home.

"Do we know what happened?"

"Not really" Cragen said as he walked up towards their desks "Cassidy is giving his statement now. Munch said Larry seemed fine when the turned up at the house, he claimed Samantha was with a friend, that she wasn't home but Cassidy found her tied up in a chair in her bedroom, her face all bruised."

"Sexual assault?" Elliot grimaced as he asked the dreaded question.

"No, thank god"

"Cassidy released the girl and called for Munch, when they got back into the living room Larry had his own gun trained on his sons, he shot them both before they arrived. He shot Samantha as soon as she ran in the door, pulled the trigger on himself before Munch or Brian could take a shot" Cragen continued "Murder suicide, he shot the kids and then himself"

"Why the kids?" Olivia asked the two men in front of her the rhetorical question

"We'll never know" Cragen shook his head

"If he couldn't have them nobody could" Elliot suggested as he fell back into his chair

.

Olivia grabbed her cell phone and watched Elliot walk out the room, she scrolled through her contact list and found Brian's number. After their drunken one night stand a few months back things had been a little awkward between them, Olivia felt guilty because she knew he wanted more, part of her did too but she couldn't bring herself to fall for a colleague, it was against her personal rule but that didn't mean she didn't care for him.

She lifted the phone to her ear as the dull ringing sound repeated over and over again until eventually his voicemail kicked in, she hung up quickly and called back another three times before eventually leaving a quick message.

"Bri, it's me, Olivia…I just wanna make sure you're okay after today, you didn't come back to the squad I just…just let me know if you're okay yeah?"

She hung up and sighed, gazing out the dingy, poster covered window out into the almost dark night. Elliot had already left for home, making a promise to Kathy about being there to help Kathleen with her math homework and Dickie with his science project.

Munch had come and gone almost two hours ago, barely saying a word to anyone he walked straight into the cribs to change his blood spattered shirt and walked out, the look of guilt etched into his already dark features. He quickly handed his file to Cragen before bidding a quiet goodnight to both Elliot and Olivia before marching out of the squad room as fast as he could.

Olivia continued to fill out paperwork, half tempted to just leave it and go home she began to pack away her things in her drawer until she heard the heavy footsteps of someone walking nearer. She turned her back and saw Brian push open the doors and walk gravely over to his desk. He collapsed his full body weight into the chair and tilted his head back, fixing his gaze on the high ceiling.

She watched him for a few minutes, taking in his entire appearance. He looked completely defeated. His previously white shirt was now red, he had clearly come into more contact with the victims than Munch had due to the sheer amount of red that covered his shirt and pants, she could see the extra dark patches on his legs where the blood had dried in.

"What's the point?"

His saddened voice broke her thoughts as she moved her eyes to his face, his head still tipped back

"What's the point of what? Brian?"

"This, this job…what's the point?" He leaned forward and she could see the dried blood stain on his bare neck "There's always another one, another rapist, another bastard who abuses his kids, it never ends."

Olivia sighed and moved over to sit in the chair at the side of his desk, she ran her fingers through her hair, crossing one leg over the other. She had asked herself the very same question over and over again "It's never gonna end. But at least we can try and help the people that do come forward…"

"It never seems to be enough"

"You should get cleaned up" She leaned forward and nodded towards his stained clothes, trying to change his mind from the subject at hand even just for a second.

"Yeah…" She watched him wearily stand from his chair and walk away, she thought he would head straight home but he turned in the direction of the cribs.

.

"Go home Liv"

She turned on the bed and watched as Brian came from the showers, his sweatpants hung low on his hips, his hand roughly rubbing the towel over his head to half dry his dark hair.

"I just want to make sure you're okay, you've had a rough day" She knew in her heart she shouldn't be here, she shouldn't be acting like this with him, she turned him away for a reason and part of her felt like she was just teasing him.

"I'm fine, I just need to drink and sleep" He smiled lightly in her direction although it didn't fool her, she could still she the pain in his eyes.

"Or you could talk to me about it?"

"What do you want me to say?" He turned angrily and she couldn't help but stare at his toned, naked chest "That we didn't even realise he'd shot his sons until after he'd shot his daughter? That I feel like it's entirely my fault this happened in the first place? That I can still feel that girl clinging on to me as the life literally bled from her body?"

Olivia felt the tears brim in her eyes as he began to pace around the small room; she stood from her position perched on the edge of the bed.

"I've just…god Liv, I've just had enough" Brian walked back over to his locker and slammed the blue metal door shut before throwing his fist against it.

"Hey…" She walked over to him and pulled his fist back from the metal and quickly inspected the now slightly broken skin.

He stood still beside her, watching as she carefully held his hand and spoke quietly to him. He turned to face her, his free hand reaching up to her neck, his thumb softly tracing down the column of her that before he tipped her head up slightly to look at him, his eyes focused on her lips as he moved in and pushed her against the locker.

Olivia sighed, her body hitting the cool metal. She knew this was wrong she said it over and over again in her head but it wasn't stopping, she felt his lips on hers and moaned. His kiss igniting a fire in her that only seemed to happen with him. She gripped his hand that joined with hers at her waist. As his fingers began to move from her neck down the front of her body, he gripped the edge of her shirt before sliding his hand under the black cotton to brush against her warm skin.

Before they knew it they were both half naked, tongues battling and hands wandering as they lay flat out on one of the single beds, Olivia straddled his waist, his fingers gripping her ass before pulling her lacy panties away from her body.

"We shouldn't be doing this" She muttered as she lifted her hips and he pulled the offending material away from her, their lips collided once more in a kiss that made her shiver.

Brian pulled back and held her face in his hands "Stop me. If you don't want this stop me and we'll pretend it never happened."

"I can't stop you," She whispered, biting his bottom lip as she ground her hips against his, feeling his length against her thigh she grinned and reached between them.

He groaned as she moved her hand slowly from base to tip, her thumb gently rubbing over the head of his swollen length and she used her free hand to push him back so he lay flat on the bed

"Liv, I swear…"

"What?" She interrupted with a grin "What are you gonna do?"

He sat up and gripped her wrists. He let go with one arm and wrapped it tight around her waist; lifting her from the bed he pushed her slender body against the lockers, her legs wrapped tight around his waist as he pushed two fingers quickly inside her wet heat.

Olivia moaned and gripped his shoulder, her eyes widened as his fingers moved faster, he slyly added a third and she cried out, bucking her hips against his lower stomach, grinding against his long fingers as he slowed them down, teasing her until she came.

"Please…" She whispered, her head thrown back hard against the metal "God make me come" She pleaded, her hips pushing as hard as he would let them, heavy breaths falling from her pouted lips.

He grinned and withdrew his fingers from her; quickly bringing them to his mouth he moaned a little, as he tasted her. Olivia's mouth fell open as she moaned louder watching him taste her, normally it wouldn't turn her on but anything he did seemed to make her quake.

"How close are you?" Brian whispered in her ear as her hips kept thrusting against his body

"Fuck me" She growled as she bit down hard on his lips. She felt the tip of him push into her and she almost passed out, having already been teased to the edge of insanity, feeling his thick length finally inside of her was enough to break her down.

The couple thrust hard against each other, both taking the anger and frustration at the world out on each other's bodies, bringing each other to extreme heights. Brian grabbed her hands that had already left red scars along his back and chest and slammed them above her head.

Moments later their lips collided as Olivia squealed through her intense orgasm, trying to remain as quiet as possible, only for a faint second remembering that she was still actually in her workplace. Her body trembled hard against his, her nails digging into the back of his hands. Brian pushed his lips against hers feeling his own climax approach fast he thrust harder before smashing his mouth against hers, swallowing each other's cries of pleasure.

.

They re-dressed in complete silence, the awkwardness of the situation beginning to take over.

"So this is the part where I say 'that was great' and you say 'don't get used to it', right?" Brian questioned "Or you wanna change things up a bit and do it the other way round?" He joked

"Bri…" Olivia sighed as she straightened out her shirt

"Sorry" He muttered as he pulled his own shirt over his head and grabbing his running shoes "I dunno what you want me to do"

"We said this was a one time thing"

"I believe _you_ said this was a one time thing"

"Well, yeah I guess…" She sighed and sat on the bed beside him. They both looked around the room and then back at each other and laughed lightly.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Olivia smiled

"If it's that I'll never be able to sleep in the cribs again, then yes, Liv, I'm thinking exactly what you're thinking"

.

* * *

_thoughts? let me know!_

_if you have a word you want me to use, leave it in the review box below or get me on twitter._

_lyrics: Catalyst - Anna Nalick_

_twitter: ahoycinderella_


	3. Valentine

_m rating. a bit ooc but it's fiction so oh well and I've changed the story a bit, lets pretend Elliot left after the whole Gitano thing okay? good._

_if you have an word requests let me know either here or on twitter: ahoycinderella_

_this is my valentines one-shot because I forgot someone actually requested the word valentine but here it is._

_word: 'Valentine' requested by Chana_

* * *

_just pull me down hard and drown me in love_

.

"Tell me again why the hell we have to go to this thing?" Brian complained as he attempted to straighten his black tie.

"Because it's a charity fundraiser and it's for a good cause and Cragen said we all have to be there and if I have to go, you do as well" Olivia called back from the bathroom as she carefully applied her black smoky-eye style makeup.

"But it's Valentines Day"

"You hate Valentines Day Bri, so don't even play that card" Her laugh echoed in the bathroom as the glorious sound bounced of the tiled walls.

"Yes, I do hate this rancid over-commercialised holiday but I'd rather spend that day with you in our bed than in a hall with a whole bunch of NYPD cops past and present dressed up in monkey suits talking about how 'it's not the same as it used to be'"

"That is the most romantic thing you have ever said to me" Olivia grinned jokingly as she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her chin on his shoulder. "And you look really good in a monkey suit" Her voice low as she whispered in his ear.

"And you look really good in this" He quickly spun around and grabbed her slender body pulling her firm against him, one hand tight round her hips, the other slipping to her thigh and under the silky black fabric of her robe.

"Hmm, thank you" She whispered, her hands pressed against his chest, her fingers tangling in his lapel, pulling him closer as their lips connected.

"Please don't make me go…I'll make it worth your while" Brian pleaded as he nodded towards the bed

"I'm sure you will" She whispered against his lips and kissed him again "But I'll get shot if I don't turn up, we have a table and Cragen expects us all there, including you"

"I work for Narc."

"True, but you're with me now and he knows that, so you have to come" She grinned "Plus, you don't want to leave me there with all those men when I'm wearing that dress do you?" She batted her eyelashes and smiled

His eyes widened "What dress?"

"Oh yeah…" She grinned slyly and walked towards her closet "You haven't seen it yet"

"Liv…I swear to god…"

"Go out there, I need to finish getting ready" She pushed him towards the bedroom door and out into the living room.

"Liv I wanna…"

"You'll see it soon" She winked and closed the door on him.

Olivia turned back into the bedroom and laughed as he mumbled to himself outside the door. They had been together officially for now just over a year, even longer if you count the couple of months of casual sex and dinner dates before that and she had never been happier. After meeting up on a case they fell back into their old routine of drinks and sex like they did their first year at SVU before everything got messed up. Now they were a few years older and somewhat wiser, both realising quickly that the job was not the most important thing in the world and that they both wanted a life, that just happened to be with each other.

Although tonight was supposed to be their night, both of them having somehow gotten the night off together only for Olivia to have been told last week about this function and how the SVU squad had a table and they were all expected to attend which ended up halting their plans of a romantic-ish night in with wine, candles and a whole lot of passionate sex, something told her that attending this function wouldn't be so bad after all.

She slowly wandered back into the bathroom and applied the finishing touches to her makeup, she tattooed her lips with her sexy red lipstick, a personal favourite of hers, and Brian's. She grabbed her hairbrush and carefully teased a few of her curls before spraying them with hairspray to keep them in place.

Back in the bedroom she grabbed the dress from the hanger in the closet and slipped it over her lacy panties, the black fabric clinging to her in all the right places, covering her chest and shoulders and leaving her back completely exposed as well as a decent slit half way up her thigh, maybe it was a little sexy for an NYPD function but she wasn't caring, the only person she wanted staring at her was Brian anyway.

She grabbed her heels and slipped them on her feet, her clutch purse that lay on the bed was already filled with the usual cash, lipstick, powder and she quickly threw her cell phone in before spraying her perfume to her neck and wrists before leaving her bedroom.

"Holy….woah" Brian couldn't help but gape at her like a teenager at his first porn magazine. She looked incredible, classy and elegant yet completely sexy.

"You like?" She twirled around and tilted her hip slightly

"I…eh, yeah" He nodded as she swayed towards him; even in her heels he was still an inch or two taller than her.

She dropped her clutch on the kitchen counter next to the bunch of red and white roses he had bought her and wrapped her arms around his shoulders "You wanna leave now?"

Brian just gazed at her, he must have looked her up and down at least three times before even registering that she was speaking to him "I…what?"

Olivia laughed and grabbed his hands "Come on, we need to go"

"But I'd rather stay here and stare at you all night"

"That's kinda creepy"

"Well you're really beautiful"

She grinned and lightly kissed his lips, careful not to transfer any of her lipstick onto him just yet "Thank you"

"Hey hang on a second…" Brian pulled her back and kissed her forehead "I kinda got you something"

"You what? Why?" She looked at him confused

"Because it's Valentines Day, and I'm a non-romantic asshole but you're amazing and deserve all the romance in the world so I thought I'd act like a half normal guy for a change and get my girl something special" He pulled out a long black case from his jacket pocket and smiled as she took a sharp intake of breath.

"Bri…you shouldn't…"

She was cut off when he opened the box to reveal a stunning white gold diamond bracelet, she held her breath as he removed it carefully from the box and took a hold of her hand, kissing her knuckles before wrapping the piece of jewellery around her wrist.

"There, perfect" He smiled

"Bri, it's beautiful, you really shouldn't have…"

"Yeah, I should have, I know I'm not the best boyfriend and I know you put up with a lot of crap from me so why not get you something special?"

"I love you so much" She kissed him hard on the mouth and moaned as his arms slipped around her waist, his fingers gently tracing the soft skin along her spine

"Love you more babe"

.

As they arrived at the Gala, Brian wrapped his arm around his girlfriend's waist, holding her close as they quickly walked across the road and into the large old looking building. He smiled at Olivia who couldn't take her eyes off the sparkling diamonds the wrapped neatly around her wrist.

"Wow, Liv, you look amazing" Amanda complimented the brunette detective as she approached them both, her own floor length hunter green dress hugging her figure.

"So do you Amanda, that colour really suits you" The three of them walked into the large hall that was half filled with NYPD Alumni, detectives and sergeants from past and present with their special someone or alone all turned out for this special event. The room was decorated in an obvious 'Valentines Day' theme, red, white and pink balloons and streamers hung from the ceilings, red roses on the tables, they really went all out.

They saw Fin and Melinda standing by the table that was reserved especially for the SVU team, Cragen was over in the corner talking with a few guys he worked with back in homicide and Nick had just walked in the door.

"Hey guys" Olivia smiled and dumped her clutch on the chair and hung her jacket over the back.

"Damn baby girl, you look good" Fin nodded and tipped his glass in her direction

She chuckled and tried to stop the blush from spreading across her cheeks, she was never good with receiving compliments "Thanks Fin"

"Right, I'll get this round in, who wants what?" Brian smiled and pulled his wallet from his suit pocket, he and Fin left the table with a list of drinks to order as the girls sat down.

.

"You are so hot"

"Stop it" Olivia batted Brian's hand away from her thigh and grabbed her wine glass and took a sip, trying to distract herself from his wandering hands.

"I want you so much" His hand slipped under the slit of her dress, his fingers lightly teasing the sensitive skin of her leg.

"Bri…" She quietly moaned, silently thanking god that Munch had gotten restless and had gone for a wander and was no longer sitting next to her.

"How wet are you right now?"

Olivia whimpered and shifted in her chair, sharply turning her head when he slipped his hand higher up her thigh, she grabbed his wrist and dug her perfectly manicured nails into his skin "Stop it" She growled quietly feeling her need for him soar, she had never been so easily aroused by anyone before, he knew just how to work her.

Brian leaned closer to her, brushed her dark hair away from her neck and whispered in her ear "I'm gonna strip you down and I'm gonna kiss you all…"

"Guys, Look who I found wandering around!" Munch interrupted as he arrived back at the table with his arm around the shoulders of Olivia's ex-partner.

"Elliot" She quietly breathed his name

"Hey Liv, Cassidy, good to see you guys" Elliot nodded in their direction and sat down beside Munch at his insistence.

Olivia felt Brian tense beside her, she had told him everything about her and Elliot's past, their one night together after a rough case involving Victor Gitano that turned into an almost affair before she stopped it dead. Elliot had transferred out of SVU shortly after leaving space for the newbies Amaro and Rollins to transfer in. He knew Elliot always had a thing for her and he also knew that Olivia at one point loved him. Whether there was something still there between them or not, that is what bothered him most.

An awkward silence fell over the table for a few seconds before Munch and Melinda began making small talk with Elliot.

"I'm gonna go get a drink, you wanting anything?" Brian stood from his chair

"Bri…"

"You wanting anything?" He persisted quietly

"No thanks, I'm fine" Olivia watched him leave, the anger evident in his body.

After partaking in an awkward conversation with the others Olivia glanced around in search of her boyfriend, she noticed him leaning against the bar talking away to someone he obviously knew. She excused herself from the table and walked over to the bar smiling at him when he made eye contact with her.

The last thing they needed was to argue over Elliot, she had been completely honest with him about everything that happened between the two ex-partners. He asked and she told, they had both been honest about their past relationships and their complete openness with each other made their connection all that much stronger, seeing Elliot again, as much as it worried her that it would, it didn't change the way she felt about Brian.

She had worried that if she and Elliot ever saw each other again that spark that was there before would be there again and she wouldn't be able to stop herself, but it wasn't. She saw the look on Brian's face when Elliot stood near them, the look of confusion that turned to pain as his mind churned and overthought about her and Elliot and their seven year connection with each other.

"Hey" Her voice was quiet as she stood in front of him "You okay?"

"Fabulous" He smiled, obviously fake "You?"

"Bri…"

"How's Stabler? Still married?" He jabbed, the alcohol in his veins making him angry rather than flirty like he was before.

"Please don't do this" She held his hand that wasn't holding the beer bottle and squeezed it. "Look, I didn't know he'd be here…"

"That has nothing to do with it Liv, hell, the fact that he's here doesn't even bother me, it's the fact that I don't know how you feel about him that bothers me" He turned and placed the now empty bottle on the bar and began to walk away

"Oh hell no" Olivia pulled him towards her and the pair ended up on the large dance floor that was filled with couples slow dancing to the romantic song that played over the speaker system

"Liv…"

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and his hands wrapped around her back "I love you Brian, my god I never thought I would but I do. I'm in love with you and that, I promise is never going to change."

"You were in love with Elliot…" He said quietly

"I loved him, there's a big difference. Anyway it's in the past. I love you."

They moved slowly on the floor, wrapped in each other's arms.

"Sorry, drink makes me jealous" He apologised quietly and kissed her forehead "I'm sorry"

"It's okay"

"No it's not" He pulled back from her and cupped her face with his hands "You don't deserve me acting like a complete ass to you in front of all of these people, especially today."

"It's okay" She held his hands and they slowly moved back towards the table "I'd be the exact same if any of your ex's came in here tonight"

"No you wouldn't" He chuckled and leaned his head down and pressed a kiss against her shoulder. "None of them were as amazing or beautiful as you"

"Oh you sap." She smiled "And yeah I would, I can be a very jealous person, plus I've got a couple of wines in me" she laughed "You're mine now" She kissed his lips as they approached the table, unaware that Elliot was still sitting there, glaring at their obvious display of affection.

.

After another hour or so of flowing drinks, conversation and slow dances Olivia ended up in Brian's lap to make room for the other couple of people that had joined their table. He wrapped his arms around her middle and gladly welcomed her body close to his.

He shifted his gaze from his girlfriend -who along with everyone else was laughing at Munch's ridiculously theoretic words- to her ex-partner who sat glaring at the couple. Brian couldn't help but give him a quick grin; something about Elliot being here and seeing them together made him a little possessive.

He cleared his throat and gently pressed his fingers to Olivia's bare back, gently running them up and down her lower spine. He grinned when she shivered in his lap, her arm tightening around his shoulders.

"I'm so hot for you right now" She leaned closer to him and whispered in his ear

"You're a little drunk aren't you?" He chuckled and kissed her shoulder

"Maybe. You look really hot in that suit…" He saw her eyes darken to almost black with lust, she crossed one leg over the other until her entire, long, tanned leg was exposed from the slit of her dress.

"Babe…"

Olivia grinned and turned slightly in his lap "Can we leave yet?"

.

"You are such a tease"

"You love it though" Olivia grinned as she pulled him by the lapel of his suit jacket and they tumbled onto her couch.

She quickly kicked off her high heels and pulled his body over hers, their lips fusing together in a passionate kiss. "I love you so much" She mumbled, her hands running up to cup his face.

"Is that the wine talking?" He laughed and kissed her forehead and her cheek before wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her up and backwards to straddle his lap

"No" She pushed "It's me" She grinned and kissed his mouth "I'm allowed to get really sentimental on this one day even though you hate it okay? And I'm sorry about before"

"I hate the day, but I'll never tire of hearing you say that" He whispered, "Because I love you too" He kissed her soundly and pulled back "And don't apologise, I was an ass and I'm sorry, you don't deserve that."

"I'm gonna cry and _that_ is because of the wine" Olivia laughed and wrapped her arms around his shoulders

"Don't cry at that" Brian smiled "If you're gonna cry at anything, cry at this…" He chuckled and reached over and grabbed his jacket that lay half on and off the couch, his hand slipped into his pocket and grabbed the little pale blue box

"Close you eyes" He smiled and kissed her softly, making sure her eyes were fully closed before moving her gently off of his lap and exposing the little box.

He got down on one knee in front of her and kissed her half exposed leg "Marry me" He whispered

Olivia's eyes shot open and her hand automatically covered her mouth as her boyfriend sat on one knee in front of her, his suit slightly dishevelled, the biggest grin on his face and the most beautiful white gold, square cut diamond ring that she had ever seen resting in a little blue box in his hand.

"Bri…" She choked

"I love you so much Liv, I know it's only been just over a year but this is it for me sweetheart, you are everything to me and I wanna spend the rest of my life making you happy if you'll let me. So what do you say?" He smiled and pulled the ring from the box and held it in front of him

"Will you marry me?"

"You realise you're being really _really_ romantic on Valentines Day right?" She laughed through her tears

"I thought I'd make an exception this year"

"Yes" She whispered and leaned forward, her hands cupping his face "Yes Brian Cassidy, I'll marry you"

.

Olivia woke the next morning with the biggest smile on her face. She grinned and giggled quietly, burying her face into the heavy white pillow under her head.

"Did you just giggle?"

She laughed out loud and kissed her fiancé on the mouth, she raised her arm from around his back and held her hand in the air, the diamond on her left ring finger shining in the early morning sunrise.

"I think I did" She smiled when his arms gripped her naked body tighter and pulled her closer to him until there was no spade between their bodies.

"Who are you and what have you done with my fiancée?" He muttered against her bare shoulder, his eyes never opening.

"Your fiancée has never been a fiancée before and she's pretty happy about it so if she wants to have a completely out of character moment, let her" She chuckled and kissed his neck.

"I love you" She whispered in his ear, her fingers gently running up and down his toned back.

"Love you more" His deep, sleep laced voice rang through her ears and made her shiver.

Olivia grinned and rolled them over so she lay on top of his muscular frame. She placed a soft kiss on his lips before sliding her way down his body, her lips trailing a path of kisses all the way down his chest and stomach.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Brian laughed and pulled the covers from his body as she slid closer and closer to his already hardening cock.

"Hmm, I wanna play" She gave him a sexy grin before pressing a kiss to his hip and gripping his length in her hand, her fingers running up and down before she took him in her mouth.

"Play? Liv…fuck" He threw his head back and groaned, his fingers lacing into her hair as she sucked him hard. He took one look at her and almost died as she looked back up at him, her eyes black with lust, her faded red lips pursed as his length disappeared into her pouted mouth, his swollen head touching the back of her throat.

"Hmmm" Olivia hummed against him before lifting herself away from him and slyly grinning "I think I'm gonna go shower" She quickly jumped up from the bed and slowly walked into the bathroom, chuckling when she looked back and saw his stunned face.

.

"Baby please…"

Olivia pleaded with Brian as his fingers relentlessly moved inside her, his lips wrapped around her clit and she grabbed him by the hair on his head, her moans echoing in the steamy shower stall.

"Oh god, I'm…" She took a sharp breath only to be let down as Brian pulled away from her body, a cheshire cat grin on his face, he grabbed her hips and hoisted her up against the wall, his hands grabbed her ass as one of her legs wrapped tight around his hips, the other lay over his arm, her foot near enough resting on his shoulder.

"Who's playing now?" He grinned as he slowly pushed into her tight, wet entrance.

Olivia moaned and slammed her head back against the wall as she felt his entire length stretch her all at once. She pleaded and groaned as he slowly moved his hips, her entire body felt as if it was on fire as neared the edge again and again only for him to slow down and come to a complete stop.

"Don't come" He growled

"What?"

Brian slammed his hips against hers hard, her mouth falling open as he tipped her hips up slightly and hit that one spot inside of her that made her lose her mind.

"Don't come," He repeated, his hips slamming hard into her again and again.

Olivia pleaded with him as he roughly fucked her in the shower. Last night was slow and loving, but this was playtime, this was rough and passionate; her body was on fire as her arousal burst through her veins. She gripped his shoulders, pulling his chest against hers, her leg went numb with having been stretched into an awkward position for so long but she couldn't complain, the feelings she was experiencing were the greatest she'd ever had. She felt tears brim in her eyes as she neared the edge for the fourth time, she cried out as Brian moved one hand round to her front and roughly rubbed her clit. Her body was on complete overdrive as she shook hard in his arms, his body was the only thing keeping her from falling into a heap on the shower floor.

"Please" She cried, "Oh god please" Her head fell against his shoulder as she sank her teeth into his wet skin.

"What do you want baby? Come on, tell me what you want" He grinned as his hips slowed and she pleaded for him to go faster.

"Harder, come on, let me come, please" Her nails raked his body as he thrust harder into her and seconds later let her finally come.

Her screams bounced off the tiled walls as her body trembled violently in his arms, her nails tore at his back as she felt his own release inside her.

"Fuck, babe…" Brian groaned as he slowly continued to thrust through his own orgasm. Both of their bodies betraying them as he quickly let go and turned around, his back against the wall as he slid to the floor, her body still wrapped tight in his arms.

"Oh my god" She roughly kissed him, groaning into his mouth as her hips continued to tremble in his hands. She snaked her tongue into his mouth as they battled for a few minutes on the shower floor.

"That was amazing" She laughed, her voice slightly croaky from all the screaming she did. He was the only one to ever make her scream, she was never usually loud when it came to sex but he seemed to do things to her that no one else had ever come close to.

"So," He sighed as the water pelted down on their exhausted bodies. "Did you have a good Valentines Day?" He chuckled and grabbed her left hand, kissing the diamond that rested perfectly on his ring finger.

"The best" She grinned and wrapped her free arm around his neck "I love you Brian Cassidy"

"I love you too, my soon-to-be wife."

.

* * *

_any thoughts?_

_request a word if you wish._

_lyrics: Come on Get Higher - Matt Nathanson (although the Sugarland cover is my faaave)_


	4. Camera

_I finished this at 3:20am and then fell asleep so it's getting posted now._

_if you've got a word let me know here or on twitter: ahoycinderella_

_word: 'Camera' requested by Hayley_

* * *

_don't you remember?_  
_the reason you loved me before_  
_baby, please remember me once more_

.

"_How is she? Can I see her?" Brian jumped up from his chair as the doctor exited his wife's hospital room, his hands shaking with nerves._

"_Mr Cassidy, you're wife has suffered severe head trauma" _

"_But she's okay right, I mean she was awake before…"_

_Olivia had been on her way home from the store when she was hit from behind and knocked to the ground by some guy running from the police, she had fallen hard onto the sidewalk and hit her head on the concrete. She had been admitted to hospital a little over an hour ago only having lost consciousness for about ten minutes._

"_She is awake, but I have to warn you Sir…"_

"_What?" Brian's eyes widened as he felt his body fail him, he tried to stand strong, and he couldn't fall now, not when his wife needed him._

"_Mr Cassidy, your wife is suffering from some sort of amnesia"_

_Brian fell back into the chair, his hands covered his mouth "What…how?"_

"_She hit her head hard when she fell, any type of head trauma can cause some memory loss, and it's not entirely uncommon, some types are worse than others"_

"_She'll get her memory back though right? I mean, you hear about it all the time"_

"_Mr Cassidy, it's all a matter of time, she could remember in the next ten minutes, the next week, it all depends on her."_

"_How long?"_

"_Excuse me?"_

"_What does she remember? How long has she lost?" Brian cautiously asked_

"_We asked her some basic questions, name, birthday that kind of thing, she got them all correct until we asked her todays date."_

_He felt his heart sink; how far back in time did she think she was? Did she even remember him?_

"_She thinks it's 1999"_

"_Six years? She's missing almost six years?"_

"_It may come back…"_

"_Its has to come back!" Brian jumped from his chair "It has to. She doesn't remember our whole life together, we got married five years ago, are you telling me she cant remember that? What about our daughter?" _

_His eyes widened and his throat turned to sandpaper at the thought of their little girl at home "Our baby girl is almost five months old, we'd been trying forever to get pregnant…Olivia loves that little girl more than her own life and you're telling me she doesn't remember her?"_

"_Sir you have to understand, she may remember" The doctor stood beside Brian and placed his hand on his shaking arm. "This is a process, you could walk in there and start talking to her and things may fall into place or it could take a while but her memories may come back little by little, you just have to give it time"_

"_Can I see her?" He asked, his voice quiet in the loud, bustling waiting area _

"_Of course, take all the time you need"_

.

"Here, let me grab that" Brian helped his wife from their car and grabbed her hospital bag. It had been four days since she had been admitted and today she was discharged with a clean bill of health, apart from the fact she couldn't remember the last five years of her life.

"It's okay, I've got it" She pulled her hand back, still unsure of how to act around Brian. She glanced into the backseat and saw the empty car seat strapped in tight, her heart tugged and she felt sick to her stomach, she had a child and she couldn't even remember.

All she could remember of Brian was they worked together, it turned out she remembers their one night stand. She had been shocked when he walked cautiously into her hospital room for the first time, his eyes clouded over as he sat beside her bed and asked her how she was feeling.

"_What are you doing here Cassidy?" She smiled "Cragen send you to check up on me or something?" She tried to joke_

_She had seen his heart die in his eyes, he rest his hands on the edge of her bed and quickly removed them and kept them firmly in his lap, not wanting to push the boundaries, especially if she didn't even remember they were in a relationship. _

"_You look different" She titled her head a little and took in his appearance, his body was bigger, he clearly hit the gym a lot more than she remembered and the stubble on his face made him look more masculine._

"_I am different" He sadly smiled_

"_The doctor said I've got memory loss" She remarked quietly_

"_Yeah, you do" Brian nodded and struggled to keep himself from holding her hand._

"_What have I forgotten?" He saw the tears fill her eyes, he couldn't bear to tell her they were married and had a beautiful little baby at home, a little girl who looked exactly like her mother and as of last week had just laughed for the first time._

_Brian looked at the floor; he felt his own tears stab at his hazel eyes, he struggled with the thought that his own wife didn't remember him. Back in '99 she thought of him as nothing more than the guy she worked with who had a huge crush on her. In the back of her mind she knew he loved her but she thought of it as a crush to make herself feel less guilty about turning him down. Now they were completely head over heels in love, married with a baby and she didn't even remember. _

"_Please tell me," She whispered, "I can't stand not knowing"_

"_You really don't remember anything?" He questioned sadly_

"_I'm sorry. I mean I remember…you know" She gestured between them, silently reminiscing their drunken one-night stand._

"_And that's it?"_

_She nodded "Was there more?"_

_Brian sadly chuckled and twirled his wedding band around his ring finger "July 2__nd__ 2000, we'd been together for about a year already, it was a crazy hot day and you had said you'd never really done anything for 4__th__ of July so we decided to get away for a couple of days. We went up to my dad's old beach house for the weekend; we both escaped work early on the Thursday and just took off. You spent hours in the sea; you wear wearing this white string bikini that you joked you had bought just for me" _

_He smiled at the memory of her walking out of the bathroom and teasingly walking straight past him and out the back porch that led straight to the beach "We hit the beach on the Friday morning and spent the entire day just lazing around in the sun, it was so peaceful. You snuck off into the sea and just lay around in the water for hours, you said you'd never felt more at peace than when you were in the water"_

"_Brian…"_

"_I proposed to you that night" He grinned "I never thought in a million years you'd say yes. It took you long enough to agree to a date with me that even after a year I was still convinced you were just with me out of pity."_

"_I cooked you dinner and we sat out on the porch for hours, just being there you know? There was no noise like back in the city, just the ocean and it was perfect. I took you down to the water because I knew you loved it so much and it was already dark so we could barely see anything but I still got down on one knee in the sea and you laughed when I fell over on my ass" He chuckled "You cried when I asked you and when you said yes and then you fell down into the water with me"_

"_It sounds perfect" Olivia smiled and brushed the tears from her face _

"_It was" He finally looked up at her "You really don't remember?"_

_._

She'd never forget the look on his face after he said that. He looked like part of him had died and she'd never forgive herself for that.

They stood in an awkward silence in the elevator as they rode up to their seventh floor apartment that overlooked the city. Olivia kept looking around at everything she seen, hoping that all her memories would hit her at once and everything would go back to normal but it never came. She silently followed Brian as they left the elevator and walked towards their front door.

He pushed it open and held it for her until she stepped inside the beautifully decorated apartment.

"You decorated" He laughed as he placed the bags of groceries he had bought before picking her up on the kitchen counter. "All I really cared about was where we were gonna put the big TV"

He gazed at her as she stood awkwardly in the middle of their living room. He watched sadly as she fought with herself to try and remember even the tiniest little detail of their life together.

"_When did we get married?" She asked, looking at her own empty ring finger, the nurses had removed all her jewellery when she was admitted._

"_April 14__th__ 2001, the weather forecast had said rain the entire week and you were so upset. You told me you had always wanted a spring wedding, in the sunshine…" He smiled at her _

"_It didn't rain, we were lucky and it was a beautiful day. You looked amazing, you said you felt like a princess in your dress and you never wanted to take it off. It's still hanging in our closet at home," He laughed when she let out a quiet chuckle despite the tears._

"_It rained in the evening though, we were leaving the reception and it was raining and you told me that we had to go kiss in the middle of the street in the pouring rain like they do in the movies" _

"_I'm so sorry I don't remember" Olivia broke and sobbed into her hands "Everything is just like this dark mass of nothing and I can't remember anything"_

"_It's okay" Brian gently touched her leg, unsure if he should pull her into her arms and kiss her head and promise her everything would be okay just like he wanted to._

"_I want to remember, I really do"_

"_I know you do, it's okay, you will remember. It just takes time" Brian repeated the doctors' words to his wife._

_._

"You hungry? I could make us some lunch?" Brian asked as he began putting away the groceries

Olivia still stood in the middle of the living room, her eyes tracing every single little detail of the room, the large expanse of space that faded into a joint kitchen, the one wall that was practically just a giant window that over-looked Manhattan, the large plush sofa in the middle of the room and the two large armchairs at either end of the coffee table that all faced their big-screen TV on the back wall that was painted a dark red colour, while the rest of the walls were painted cream. It looked so warm and inviting.

"Liv, you can sit down" He smiled

"It doesn't feel like home" Her words tore him to the floor and she saw it, the light faded from his eyes "I'm sorry" She quickly replied "I didn't mean…I just, I don't recognise anything, it's like something out of a magazine and I don't remember ever really caring about interior decorating" She chuckled.

"Yeah you went through a phase," He explained with a smile "You took one room at a time, this place was a fresh start for us and you wanted every room to have its own special touch"

Her eyes faded to the hallway past the kitchen that led to the bedrooms and her heart began to race.

"She's not here" Brian said quietly "I asked my mom to keep her for the night, I didn't want you to be too over-whelmed when you came home"

Olivia nodded and walked out of the living room and down the small hallway, her eyes shifting from the two doors on either side. She opened the first one and smiled at the royal blue walls. This must have been the bedroom she shared with Brian. The dark blue contrasted with the white bed sheets and the pale wood sleigh frame bed, there was a beautiful romance to the room and it made her smile.

She walked over to the large dresser against the wall and smiled at the photos pinned around the mirror, one of them of her and Brian, he stood behind her with his arms over her shoulders as he pulled a stupid face, her own face was glowing as she laughed out loud and whoever snapped the picture caught the perfect shot.

She picked up the frame on the edge of the dresser, one of their wedding photos. Brian was right, she did look like a princess, her hair was pinned up, a few stray curls around her face, and her white strapless dress clung to her figure and flowed neatly to the ground from her hips. The smile on their faces were electric as they stood with their arms around each other.

Olivia left the room and stood outside the closed door of the bedroom opposite for a good five minutes, her heart stuck in her throat as she touched the door handle, she slowly pushed the door open and felt the tears fill her eyes. The walls were painted a beautiful shade of pastel pink with the wall opposite the door a darker shade. The dark cherry wood crib stuck out from the middle of the dark pink wall, the matching chest of drawers and changing table were against the wall behind the door. She stood in the middle of the room for a few seconds taking everything in before moving over to the rocking chair by the window. She picked up the pink and white blanket that lay over the back and sat down, the sweet baby scent filtered through the room and she burst into tears once more.

"_Liv, I need to tell you this okay but please don't worry because I promise you'll remember"_

"_What are you talking about?"_

_Brian reached into his wallet and pulled out a photo and handed it gently to her "Her name is Allie. She was born December 9__th__ last year"_

"_We have a baby?" Olivia cried as she held the photo. She saw herself holding a tiny little baby girl in a pink sleeper suit; she couldn't have been more than a few weeks old. _

"_We tried for a good four years for her, we started looking into adoption because we never thought we'd have our own baby after trying for so long but then she came along." Brian grinned_

"_You told me on father's day" He chuckled "We both had the weekend off and decided on a lazy weekend in the house, I got up to make you breakfast and you'd written the father's day card the night before and left it by the coffee machine. You wrote_

'_To Daddy, happy father's day, see you in December' and put the sonogram picture on the inside. I think the only other times I cried was on our wedding day and when she was born" _

"_She's beautiful." Olivia ran her finger softly over the slightly creased picture_

"_She's four months old now and growing like a weed" He smiled "She looks exactly like you, she got your dark hair and skin tone, she just started laughing last week and when she does her eyes light up just like yours, it's fascinating"_

"_Allie…"_

"_Yeah, Allie Katherine Cassidy. You got mad at the woman who was filling out the birth certificate because she kept asking what Allie was short for"_

"_Just Allie" She smiled _

"_Yeah, just Allie" Brian grinned as she quietly repeated the exact same words she had said almost five months ago._

_._

Brian walked into the apartment to the sound of his screaming daughter; he quickly dumped the bag of groceries and ran to his little girl's nursery. It had been a two weeks since Olivia had come home and things were still awkward but he thought they were getting a little better, her memory still hadn't made any sign of returning and she was still overly cautious when it came to being around Allie, never wanting to feed her or change her, hell it was a chore just getting her to hold her sometimes.

"Hey, hey Allie-Kat it's okay" Brian carefully lifted their screaming daughter from her crib and grabbed the soft blanket that lay over the edge "It's okay sweetheart, it's okay, Daddy's here" He gently bounced his little girl and made his way into the kitchen to prepare a bottle.

He had only left half an hour ago and promised Liv he wouldn't be long, the baby was sleeping but would probably wake to be fed. They had quickly weaned Allie onto bottles even though at the time of her accident Olivia was still very intent on breastfeeding for as long as possible.

He moved to the armchair in the living room and quickly put the bottle into the baby's mouth, instantly silencing her hungry cries.

"Is she okay?" Olivia stood timidly bedside the fridge

"Yeah, she was just hungry" He replied, trying not to be angry but he couldn't help it, she barely even acknowledged him or their daughter these days.

"How long was she crying?" He asked, turning his gaze away for his little girl to his face his wife

"I don't know"

"You don't…Liv…"

"Please don't you dare get angry with me" The fire in her eyes burned as she gained some confidence.

"Liv, she's your daughter and you don't even want to know her"

"_She_ is not my daughter" Olivia growled, "This is not my house, you are not my husband and she as much as I want her to be, she doesn't feel like my child. None of this is real to me. I don't remember any of this. I've seen the pictures and it just doesn't feel real. I want my life back, I want to be able to hold my baby and feed her and play with her, I want her to laugh for me but she just doesn't, she doesn't even know who I am." The tears fell from her eyes as she stood towards them

"I want to feel normal again. I want to sleep beside my husband, I want to kiss you goodnight and wake up in your arms every morning and make love to you whenever I want and cuddle on the couch and drink wine and talk about our days like normal couples do but I can't. I just can't do this anymore Brian"

The silence in the apartment was deafening, only sound heard was the quiet suckles of their baby girl as she sucked hungrily on her bottle.

.

_Try to remember us.  
Even if you can't, we still love you._

_A & B XXX_

Olivia lifted the post-it note from the camera that sat on top of a dark brown leather box that was roughly the size of a shoebox that sat on the middle of the kitchen counter. Brian had left almost three hours ago with the baby; they had gone to stay at his mom's for a few nights to give Olivia some space by herself.

She lifted the lid of the box and found a bunch of discs, DVD's she guessed as she pulled the plastic cases from the box and read each of the labels, none of them had specific events on them, just dates.

She lifted the box and moved to sit on the couch; she placed the first disc into the DVD player and smiled when she saw the beach appear on the screen.

She sat in the darkness of the apartment and smiled through her tears as images of her and Brian flashed across the screen both of them laughing and smiling and making out like teenagers on the beach. After watching three more discs of their wedding, random lazy days at home, sonograms and Allie's birth she changed the current disc and didn't even read the date of the next one; it was filmed the week before her accident.

"_Hi angel" Olivia grinned at her baby girl who she had just picked up from her crib, she laughed as Allie turned her attention to her daddy who was pointing the video camera in her face "Just ignore Daddy sweetheart, he's just being silly"_

Olivia sat on the couch and wiped her eyes that were already streaming with tears at the sight of her holding her happy baby girl. She listened intently to the random conversation she and her husband were having as he casually filmed their morning routine.

"_Where's Allie?" Olivia held the dishcloth in front of her daughter's face and began to play peekaboo "There she is!"_

"Hey Allie-Kat,_ where did Mama go?" Brian asked from behind the camera as Allie squealed and grinned as she kicked her little legs in her highchair._

_Seconds later Allie let out the cutest little baby laugh that halted both Brian and Olivia in their tracks._

"_Please tell me you got that on camera" Olivia stared wide-eyed at her baby girl_

"_Yeah I did"_

_They both stood in silence for a few seconds before Allie squealed again and held her little hands out towards her mother. Olivia picked up their little girl pressed a series of kisses to her little cheeks._

"_I love you so much little one," She laughed as Allie gripped the front of her shirt and laughed at her daddy who was pulling funny faces at her from behind the camera._

_._

"Bri?"

"Liv? It's three am, are you okay?" She smiled as his sleep filled voice filtered through the phone

"Tell me a story, please"

"Liv what happened?" Brian sat up in bed and carefully leaned over to check on their daughter who was sound asleep in her travel crib

"I watched the discs, I've been going through our wedding album for the last two hours and I just want to remember. I used to be so happy, we used to be so happy" She cried as she lay down on her husband's side of the empty bed, pulling the covers up over her head.

"Babe it'll get better, I promise"

"I'm sorry I can't remember," She whispered down the phone

"Don't be, it isn't your fault and please don't blame yourself. I'm sorry I got angry before"

"I'm sorry I said what I said earlier" She quietly apologised "I'm glad you're my husband" She smiled "From what I've seen on the discs you're a pretty amazing one"

"Well, a pretty amazing wife deserves a pretty amazing husband, I do try my best" He chuckled

"I didn't mean what I said about Allie either, she is my daughter, you are my husband and I know I love you both but I just…"

"Liv, babe, it's okay." Brian interrupted, "I promise you everything is going to get better, even if you don't remember, we have the tapes and Allie is young enough that we can start over, she still knows who you are"

"But I've lost our whole relationship Brian. We've been together for all this time and I can't remember any of it"

"We can start over with that as well, I promise you it'll all work out, just please don't stress out over it, that'll only make it worse"

They lay in separate beds, phones pressed to their ears in silence, listening to each other's breathing for a few minutes.

"Want me to tell you how you gave a me a heart attack almost everyday for the last month of the pregnancy?"

Olivia laughed through her tears as Brian began describing all the different times she had faked labour and told him about how she wanted to change the nursery so many times it made his head spin. He told her about their first proper date and the day she met his family for the first time and how his brother kept trying to flirt with her.

Brian whispered I love you as he heard the soft sound of her breathing through the phone indicating she had finally fallen asleep.

.

"Hi"

"Hey" Brian gently placed the car seat on the armchair and dumped the dark gym bag on the floor. He picked Allie out of her car seat and fell back onto the couch and lifted their little girl above his head.

Olivia watched as her husband played with their daughter, a permanent smile plastered on both of their faces. She glanced over at the car seat and noticed her one of her over-sized shirts inside.

"It smells like you" Brian explained "She misses her Mama, it smells like you and it calms her down when she's upset because it's like you're there with her"

She smiled through her tears like she had done so often since she had been home. She smiled at Allie who sat facing her on her father's lap, Allie reached her little hand out for her Mommy and Olivia immediately tensed up.

"It's okay, you don't have to hold her if you don't want to. Just sit there and get used to being around her again"

"I want to hold her" Olivia whispered, "I miss my baby girl" She smiled "I don't even remember anything about her but I miss her"

"Well…" Brian moved closer and sat right next to his wife, turning Allie to face him, her tiny little feet pressing against his stomach as he held her upright "She sleeps in complete darkness, like her mother. She loves playing peekaboo and flying, she likes her bottle at eight, eleven, two and five and then another half one before she goes to sleep. She's still kinda weary about actual baby food so it's been a slow process trying to get her onto that. If she wakes up in the night it usually because she needs changed or just wants a cuddle, her pink and white striped blanket is her favourite, she loves to lie on her tummy and when she's cranky she likes to lie on your chest so she can hear your heartbeat, it lulls her off to sleep, it takes a while but it works and she really loves music, she loves when either of us sing to her."

Olivia smiled and gently ran her fingers through her baby's soft dark hair and leaned forward kissed her head. Allie reached up and grabbed her mother's necklace and held on tight. She gently pried the gold chain away from her daughter's little fingers and held onto both of her baby hands.

"I'll always love you, Allie." She whispered and kissed her warm forehead.

"I think I remember something but I don't know if it's true or not" She said quietly as she smiled at her daughter.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, you play guitar" She smiled when Brian grinned at her "You used to sing and play to my bump when Allie was still in me"

"I did"

"So that is real? I didn't just imagine it?"

"No you didn't" Brian kissed her cheek softly "The guitar is under the bed" He smiled.

They both sat and quietly played with their daughter, who still sat in her father's lap. Olivia let go of one of Allie's hands and reached over to the coffee table, grabbing the video camera that still sat among a pile of discs.

"What are you doing?" Brian asked with a smile as she turned the camera on him and Allie.

"Making a memory"

.

* * *

_any thoughts?_

_lyrics: Don't You Remember - Adele_


	5. Caught

_word: 'Caught' requested by Robyn_

* * *

_so many people think we've got it wrong  
__they'll try to break us but we won't play along  
__so let's get down and dirty baby  
__let's get restless baby  
__come on get crazy with me_

.

"Go home Munch, there'll be bad guys to catch tomorrow" She smirked when he stopped dead in his tracks, folder in hand, watching as she and Amanda shrugged on their jackets and proceeded to leave the squad room.

"Who are you and what have you done with Detective Benson?"

"I'm taking the night off"

She quickly pulled out her cell phone and checked the reply he had sent to her earlier message.

_Just finished. You coming over? X_

_Me too, I'll be there in 20 X - _She replied

_Thai? X_

_Sounds good X_

Olivia dropped her phone back into her pocket and made small talk with the younger blonde detective as they rode down in the elevator. Her mind drifted to Brian, it had been almost a week since that had spent a decent amount of time together due to him being stuck on nightshift but luckily today he had been switched to a day shift, meaning they had the entire night together.

"Any big plans for tonight?" Amanda asked, pulling her hair out from the collar of her kaki green jacket.

"Sleep, hopefully" Olivia lied "Feels like I haven't had a decent nights sleep in months"

"Yeah I know what you mean"

The pair walked out of the 1-6 into the cold, winter night, the sun just beginning to fade over the New York City sky. After bidding goodbye, Olivia walked off in the opposite direction to the end of the street and hailed a cab, rattling off his address to the driver.

.

The sounds of her heeled boots echoed in the brightly lit hallway as she made her way to his front door. Her heart pounded in her chest, she cursed herself quietly for feeling like a teenager sneaking around with her boyfriend. They had yet to tell anyone about their relationship, hell, they had only decided to pursue a relationship a few months ago after realising that they weren't quite ready to stop seeing each other, old feelings from years ago slowly creeping back into their hearts.

Thirteen years ago, Brian was a completely different man. She knew back then he had feelings, strong feelings for her but she wasn't ready, she wasn't ready back then to give up a piece of herself to someone else. She wanted to prove her worth on the job, prove to everyone that she could make it in the big boys club so she put her personal life on hold. Turns out she put it on hold for a lot longer than she thought she would and only now, after a brief encounter with David Haden had she realised that life was passing a lot quicker than she thought it would and she was still alone.

Brian had come back into her life completely unannounced, seeing him sitting in that interrogation room, his eyes drifting over her body as they met again for the first time in over a decade. She couldn't deny she didn't feel something for him then. Her heart jumped in her chest every time they met during that case, wondering, and part of her hoping that they would have another encounter like they did back then.

And they did.

After a few passionate happenstances and Brian ending up in a hospital bed with two bullet wounds in his chest, the pair decided to flee off to the Bahamas for Christmas. A completely random surprise he sprung on her one evening, his wish to leave for a week, get out of town, find some sunshine and chill out after the hell he'd been through in the last three years of being stuck undercover working with Ganzel. Her heart had stuck in her throat when he asked her to join him, to causally jump on a plane with him, spend the week on the beach in the Bahamas, just the two of them, where no one knew them and they could do whatever they wanted without having to worry about work, about victims and rapists and court cases and over-protective partners.

She thought he was insane when he asked her, they hadn't even been seeing each other that long.

"_Just think of it as our first date"_

_She laughed and swallowed a mouthful of the cool beer "Our first date and you take me to the Bahamas for Christmas? That's a lot of living up to for the second date" She smirked_

_Brian sat up, wincing as the healing stiches in his chest pulled tightly "Yeah well, you're worth it. You don't have to come Liv it was just an idea. I bet you could use an actual vacation, hell, when was the last time you got out of this city?"_

"_True" She replied, running her fingers up and down his arm as he pulled her legs over his thighs and gently caressed her calve muscles._

"_Admit it, you'd miss me if I went off for a week without you" He grinned and squeezed her legs._

_She smiled and nodded, for the first time in a very long time she felt that tug in her heart, that feeling of maybe this could be something. "I would"_

"_Then come with me"_

_._

She knocked on the door and heard his quick reply; she could hear his footsteps getting closer and closer just as the door swung open. She dropped her phone back into her pocket and smirked as he grabbed the front of her jacket and pulled her in, her body pressed tight against his as his arm wrapped around her slender frame.

She barely heard the door slam behind her as he pushed her against it, his hand cupping the back of her head before it could smack off of the hard wood. His fingers gently caressed her scalp as her own hands pulled the sides of his unbuttoned uniform shirt and pulled him to her, chest to chest, their lips were millimetres apart, their breath mingling in the minimal space between them, Olivia bit her lip teasingly as her eyes drifted from his down to his lips.

Brian dipped his head and captured her glossed pink lips with his, swallowing the moan that escaped from her as her hands tightened around his shirt, practically pulling the navy material apart between her fingers. Their tongues battled for dominance, hands gripping each other, pulling their bodies close, not wanting any air to come between them.

"Hi" Olivia smiled as they separated, her smile wide as she leaned in and pressed a soft kiss on his mouth, the simple romance of it making her blush compared to the heavy make-out session they had literally just broken apart from.

"Hey" Brian brushed her dark silky hair behind her ears and kissed along her jaw line and up to her lips, gently teasing her.

"How was your day?" He asked, untangling his fingers from her hair and pressing the fronts of his arms against the door, sheltering her in his embrace.

"Slow, boring, you?"

"Same" He smiled as she wrapped her arms around his middle, her nails gently scraping the middle of his back through his clothes. He dropped his arms to her shoulders and helped her finally remove her jacket.

Once the winter coat had been pried from her body she grabbed his hand, turning to face him, walking backwards into the living room. He quickly changed their direction and she chuckled, letting his hands wander across her hips as he guided her into his bedroom.

Brian's hand slipped down her front, gently undoing her belt buckle before unclipping the shiny gold badge that sat neatly on her hip and removed her gun that still sat beside it.

"Wouldn't want to cause an accident would we?" He smiled and kissed her lips again before stepping back and placing both items on the large chest of drawers by the bedroom door

"No, we wouldn't" She smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer, engaging in yet another passionate kiss, her tongue pushing against his as he lifted her off the ground.

She squealed and gripped his hips between her thighs, his hands rest under her ass as he tumbled onto the bed with her, careful not to crush her underneath him. He couldn't stop the smile on his face as she chuckled below him; she wiggled her body on top of the covers, getting herself comfortable before slyly knocking his arms out causing him to fall onto her.

"Stay" She muttered, her hands slipping under his shirt pushing it from his shoulders, her nails scraping his bare back, feeling the muscles tense under her fingertips.

Brian pressed his lips against her collarbone, his tongue gently tracing the soft skin causing her to whimper beneath him. His hands slipped lower and continued their earlier mission of undoing her pants. He undid the clasp and lowered the tiny zip before pulling back from her and resting on his knees in the middle of the bed, he gripped the edges of the black slacks and quickly rid them from her long legs, smirking as more and more of her tanned skin became exposed.

He threw her pants to the floor and lifted her leg, resting her foot on his shoulder as he pressed his lips to the sensitive skin at her ankle. He kissed his way up her leg, his hand trailing its way up her other as she moaned quietly under him. He came to a halt when he reached her panties, admiring the white lace that covered her. His fingers slid under the edge of her shirt and ran up her stomach as he lifted his gaze to her face, her once brown eyes now black with lust as she watched him play with her body. He kissed the lace once before pulling her up and quickly ridding her of her shirt.

Olivia moved to straddle his thighs, his hands ran up and down the smooth skin of her back and over her hips as she traced the two scars on his chest, two scars that once housed bullets when he was shot on the street. Her mind drifted back to when she had her hands pressed against the wounds trying to stop the blood from pouring from his chest, in the ambulance, gripping his hand, their fingers clasped together as she cried and told him to hold on, told him to stay with her just before his heart stopped beating.

"Hey" His quite yet deep voice broke her from her thoughts "I'm here"

"Yeah" She replied as he gently pulled her chin between his thumb and forefinger, making her meet his gaze.

"We're okay" He kissed her lips lightly and tightened his grip on her middle, pulling her to his chest

"Yeah, we are" She smiled and kissed him, her arms wrapping around his shoulders.

.

Olivia whimpered as the scrap of lace was pulled down her legs, she could already feel the fire in her veins, the loud thudding of her heart against her ribcage as she watched the grin spread across her boyfriends face. He lowered his mouth to her stomach, gently kissing his way down to her slit.

Brian spread her legs and took joy in making her tremble and moan with his mouth. His tongue ran up and down her wet slit as her fingers gripped his hair, they made eye contact and he could see her shiver underneath him, her back arched as he pressed his thumb hard against her clit, his tongue pushing into her entrance.

"I'm-oh god…" She muttered as a growl escaped from her throat, her nails digging into his scalp as her hips bucked against his face.

He quickly switched and sucked her clit between his lips, grinning for a moment as she yelled out his name. He pushed two fingers into her, roughly moving in and out of her before adding a third, her eyes widened as she pleaded with him, begging him to make her come.

Brian twisted his fingers inside of her, hitting that spot right behind her clit that made her lose her mind. Her entire body trembled from head to toe as he brushed that same spot over and over again making her see stars as his tongue continued to lick at her swollen clit.

"Right there right, oh fuck, Bri, baby…please" Her head rolled to the side and she bit down on the corner of the pillow under her head.

"You gonna come babe?"

"Hmmm" She whimpered as his lips sucked her clit again.

They were interrupted by a knock at the door, and another and another. Olivia met his eyes, shaking her head she silently pleaded with him to ignore it and just make her come already. She groaned and reached to slap him when he pulled back and grinned.

"That'll be the Thai food" He smirked as she writhed on the bed, her body hanging on the edge of orgasm.

.

"God…" She mumbled to herself as Brian grabbed his grey shirt and pulled it over his head before making his way to the front door.

Olivia sat up, her thighs pressed tight together as she felt her body still ready to come, still ready to explode from her boyfriend's continued teasing of her body. She sat on the edge of the bed, reaching down to grab his blue flannel shirt that lay on the floor, she wrapped it around her body and stood on shaky legs. She cursed him quietly as she walked on jelly legs through to the living room. She heard the continued mumbling at the door and wondered what the hell was taking him so long.

"Bri?"

"Everything's fine"

She went to grab her purse and pulled some dollar bills before turning into the hallway "You need change?"

"Liv?"

Her eyes widened as she saw her partner and the man who she had considered family after knowing and working closely with him for fourteen years.

"Hey guys" She replied quietly with a nod of her head. Brian turned his head and rolled his eyes as she did the same.

She soon became very aware that she was half naked, the only thing stopped her partner and Munch from seeing her naked was her white lacy bra that she was sure was only half clasped and her boyfriends blue flannel shirt that fell to her mid-thigh. She was seconds away from orgasm when they interrupted the manic sex-fest that was taking place in the bedroom.

"I guess we'll leave you two to it" Munch smirked as he reached for the door handle.

Olivia watched Nick walk away, the glare on his face directed at both her and Cassidy was uncalled for and she knew it. Nick barely even knew Brian; he had absolutely no reason to judge him or her for her decision to be with him.

With the door now shut, both men leaving the couple to themselves, an awkward silence fell over them.

"Well, that was different" Brian joked, his smile fading when he noticed the look on his girlfriends face "Come on Liv, its not that bad"

"Not that…are you kidding me?"

"Liv,"

"Brian, Munch and Nick just saw us, they know now that we are together." She exclaimed

"So what? It was bound to come out sometime" He shrugged and dumped his wallet on the table by the door, ready for when the actual delivery guy appeared with their food.

"Bri…"

"What's the big deal? It's not like they're gonna go and blab it around the squad room, it's still your dirty little secret just now two more people know"

Olivia stood in silence as Brian sat down on the couch and ran his hands over his face. Is that what he thought they were? Just some dirty little secret, some casual sex until they got bored with each other and found someone else.

She walked over and pushed him back on the couch and climbed onto his lap, cupping his face in her hands "This is not some dirty little secret, you ass." She scolded "I just wanted it to come out on our terms and not feel like we had to shout it from the rooftops that we're a couple"

"What if I want to shout it from the rooftops?"

She laughed and kissed his mouth "Well now we've been caught, I guess you can"

.

* * *

_please leave a review and let me know what you think. _  
_if you have a word for me, leave it in the review as well._

_lyrics: Loving You - Paolo Nutini_

_twitter: ahoycinderella _


	6. Crying

_word prompt: 'Crying'_

* * *

_Tears stream down your face_  
_When you lose something you cannot replace_

_Lights will guide you home_  
_And ignite your bones_  
_And I will try to fix you_

.

"You wanna go to a hotel?"

"I…maybe your place is a better idea"

Brian nodded and tried not to show his own pain, the knife that was his girlfriend's pain and misery digging deep into his own chest, stabbing hard against his heart as she slowly nodded and bit the bottom corner of her lip into her mouth. He could see the sparkle of tears shining in her dark eyes, glimmering in the light of Captain Cragen's office. He softly guided her from the room, his hand millimetres away from her back, not yet touching as not to frighten her.

Olivia had been released from the hospital three hours and thirty-seven minutes ago. He had driven her to the precinct at IAB's orders so she could relay her statement about the last four days she had spent as William Lewis's captive. His latest victim, his plaything to do with what he wished. But he didn't get that far; Brian couldn't help but thank every god imaginable that his girlfriend had the strength and the power to survive. She knew how to play him at his own game, get inside his head, she used her willpower and sheer stubborn-ness to survive at the expense of her health, mental and physical.

As they approached the elevator he could hear the deep breaths being expelled from her mouth, her lips slightly pursed as she let the air flow from her lungs, he glanced down and noticed her shaking hand by her side, being here was doing her more harm than good right now and he could tell that she needed space, she needed a moment to let her guard down and break, just for a second.

"Liv…"

"In a minute" She whispered, trying to not let her voice break.

The elevator dinged and two rookie officers walked out leaving the small box empty for the two of them. He stepped in after her and quickly pushed the ground floor button, thankful that no one followed them in and it was just the two of them.

"It's okay" He said quietly as she stood with her back against the wall. "You're gonna be okay"

Olivia nodded, a few strands of her dark hair falling in front of her eyes as one tear escaped and slowly trickled down her face. With her free hand she quickly swiped it away and sighed. She looked down at her side, Brian stood close to her but not quite touching, she knew he was already struggling with this, he wasn't sure how to act or what to do, neither did she at this point but she was grateful that he was there.

She reached down and slowly touched her fingers against the back of his hand. Brian turned to face her, feeling the feather light touch of her fingertips against his skin, he let her lead, not wanting to scare her, he felt her fingers slip into the gaps between his as she released a breath she didn't realise she was holding. She squeezed his fingers, tighter than normal and shuffled her feet closer so their arms now touched, his blue shirt that fell across her body rubbing against his dark green hoodie.

"Just breathe," He said quietly as the elevator chimed once more, the doors sliding open just in time for them to catch a quick glance at the hoard of press and cameras just outside the building.

Brian gently pulled her away from view, leading her to the back of the building and sighed when he pushed open the doors to the relatively empty street, a few people hurrying along in the drizzly weather.

He pulled the car door open and watched as she climbed in, her eyes focused on the window in front of her, watching the people crossing the road.

"Can you…?" Olivia quietly gestured to her seatbelt, because of her injured wrist, currently wrapped in a cast and held up in a sling she couldn't manage to pull the strap across her body.

"Sure" He smiled softly and leaned across, clipping the strap into place before setting off in the direction of his apartment.

.

"You wanting something to eat? I think you need to eat before taking these painkillers…" Brian drifted off as he pulled the orange pill bottle from the pharmacy bag and began to read the label.

"It's fine Bri," She said quietly, following him to the kitchen. She stood quietly beside the fridge; practically cowering in the corner of an apartment she was all too familiar with.

They had spent many a day and night here, kept up in his apartment, spending the few lazy days or the odd weekend they both had together either in bed or on the couch, now she felt like a stranger, she felt like a stranger in her own skin never mind her boyfriend's home.

"Hey" Brian said quietly, he came to stand in front of her, noticing the distant look on her face "What do you need, Liv?" He asked, his voice soft, gently filtering into her ears "I'm not really sure what to do here, babe. But I promise to help you any way I can okay? You just have to open up a little, let me know what you need"

Olivia nodded, fresh tears brimming in her eyes "I don't know" She whispered, "I don't know what's going on with me"

"You've been through hell babe, but you're still here" He smiled "You'll get through this, I promise you"

"Yeah" She replied, her voice breaking, exhaustion flowing through her veins as she tried to stifle the yawn that was fast approaching.

"You want to try and sleep?"

"I don't know if I can"

Brian slowly reached forward and touched her arm, sighing happily when she didn't flinch away from him like she had done the last few times at the hospital "Come on, I'll stay with you, you don't have to sleep" He insisted "Just lay down, rest, maybe sleep will come to you"

Olivia slowly nodded and walked through the apartment to the bedroom in the back, his room was dark, the dark blue walls that matched the typical guy bed sheets. Her heart thudded when she made her way towards the large bed, it looked so warm and comfortable, unlike everything and every place she had been over the last five days. The only thing she wanted to do was crawl into bed and into Brian's arms and sleep for a week without panicking or crying every two minutes but the chances of that happening were slim to none.

After changing into a pair of Brian's sweats that she had claimed as her own months ago she carefully sat down on the bed, wincing slightly as a stabbing pain shot through her side. Brian lifted the covers and slid in beside her, lying on his back with his hands folded over his stomach, completely unsure of how to be. Normally they would be wrapped in each other's arms, even if they weren't they somehow always ended up that way, now everything was different, he wasn't sure if she was ready to be surrounded by him yet, maybe she needed her own space, time to get used to being back to normal.

She laid on her back, the only position that didn't make her broken rib scream out in agony and stared at the ceiling, tiny flickers of light streaming through the curtains as the couple lay in silence.

"You can cry if you want to"

Olivia clenched her teeth together, trying hard not to let the tears seep from her eyes as she heard Brian's soft words from the other side of the mattress.

"Liv…" She shook her head on the pillow as he slowly reached for her hand.

Sobs racked her body, as the first few tears broke free; she tried to kick the covers away from her but struggled due to her existing injuries. Brian sat up and pulled the covers back, kicking them to the foot of the bed, he gently guided her to sit up and she gratefully followed his lead, allowing him to spread his legs and move her body to sit between them, her face burying into his shirt, staining the white material with her angry tears. The frustration she felt within herself was released through her eyes as she clenched his hand and cried against him, finally allowing herself to be held for the first time since she was found.

.

One month later at two-nineteen am Brian awoke from a slumber. Having eventually fallen asleep after spending the day worrying about his girlfriend after she had a bit of a panic that afternoon, he woke suddenly to find the rest of the bed beside him empty. He shook his head slightly, trying to clear the drowsiness from his mind as he sat up and placed his feet on the floor.

Quickly checking the bathroom only to find it empty, he made his way into the living room, also empty and saw the dim light over the kitchen area, he stood still and heard the quiet sniffling of his girlfriend.

"Liv?" He quietly called her name as not to completely shock her when he turned the corner.

He turned past the edge of the breakfast counter and found Olivia curled up in the corner on the floor, her back against the cabinets, tears streaking her tired face.

"I'm sorry" She sobbed, "I can't…I-I"

"Hey, hey it's okay" He immediately dropped to the floor beside her, ignoring the chill that shot through his flannel pyjama pants from the cold tiled floor.

"He-I…"

"It's okay, let it out" Brian wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him. He kissed the top of her head as she cried once again in his arms.

Her arm was now free of the sling and had a plastic cast wrapped around it. She sat on the floor wearing his shirt and her shorts, her uncovered hand held on tight to his shirt, her nails scraped against his stomach but he didn't care. She continued to sob against him for nearly half an hour, her body growing weary and slowly sinking further and further to the ground.

Brian quickly shifted as she lay on the floor, her head resting in his lap, her sobs turning to quiet cries as the tears now soaked through to his leg. He gently rubbed the length of her arm, knowing that she would freak if he touched her hair. He had tried to comfort her the week previous, the way he used to, his arms around her waist, softly stroking her hair but she pushed back and smacked his hands away, from that second he knew that for now, her hair was off limits.

Almost an hour later he glanced at the clock on the oven, the bright orange numbers indicating it was a little after three am and Olivia was now silent, the only sound was that of her breathing coming in deep, slow breaths against his leg as her head still rest in his lap.

"I see him everywhere" She whispered

Brian stayed silent. She was yet to divulge any information to him, all he knew was what the doctor had said while he was in the room and the tiny little snippets of information that Olivia released when she was in her most vulnerable moments.

"I cant close my eyes without seeing his grin, or his eyes…the smell of him is everywhere, I can't escape it"

"Come on…" Brian gently pushed her to a sitting position and held out his hands for her. With her free hand she reached for him and let him pull her up.

He cupped his hands over his mouth and sighed before holding them out to her, resting near her hips, just away from her, not directly touching.

"I love you," He said quietly before putting his hands on her body, noticing that while he spoke, she didn't flinch.

"You can get through this." He remarked, "I know it seems like you wont because everything brings you back to the place but I promise you it will get better. You just need to try and focus on the good"

"It's hard" She mouthed

"I know it is baby, I know" He stepped closer to her but was careful not to crowd her "Just take a few deep breaths and smile"

"What?" She raised her eyebrow

"Just do it" He smiled and began taking deep breaths with her

Olivia shook her head and followed his lead and after five deep breaths she slowly smiled and immediately followed it with a small chuckle as Brian's eyes lit up when her mouth turned upwards.

"See" He grinned, "I made you smile" He did a little victory dance and she chuckled again before hitting his chest.

"I'm not cured Bri, making me smile once isn't going to get him out of my head"

"Yeah but it proves that I can make you feel better, even for a second" He took her hand "When you see his face or his grin, think of mine. Come and find me if I'm not in the room or wake me up if it's from a nightmare, every time you see his face, counter it with mine. I mean I'm not that bad looking right?" He joked

"Thank you" She smiled slightly "And no, you're not"

"Come on" He held his hand out and linked their fingers together, guiding her into the bedroom.

She stopped still at the door, unsure if she should even try and sleep again, it never came easy yet and when it did Lewis and their torturous time together invade it.

"Here" Brian stood in front of her again, this time with his cologne in his hand, he held it in front of her for her to see and then lifted her hand, turning it over and spraying a squirt on her wrist.

"Now I smell like you" She jokingly grimaced

"Well you wear my clothes often enough" He retaliated, thankful for this moment of lucidity where his girlfriend was acting like her normal self for the first time since her assault.

"You need something to counteract your triggers right? That's how this works?" Brian asked for confirmation

"Yeah" Her heart leapt upon hearing his words, he had done his research.

"Then let me be that. Let me counteract your triggers, any time you see him, look at me, any time you hear him, listen to me, any time you smell something that reminds you of him or that place…" He gently lifted her wrist and the cologne bottle "You know what to do" He smiled

"I love you" She mouthed, unable to trust her voice

"I love you too"

.

Olivia turned off the shower and heard Brian calling her name "Yeah?" She yelled back

"I'm just going to get my stuff out the car, I'll be back in a minute"

"Lock the door" She replied immediately

"I will" He called back.

She stood in silence and listened for the key in the lock. After quickly drying herself off and changing into comfortable clothes, she washed her face and pulled her hair from the high ponytail and grabbed her hairbrush from the side of the sink.

She pulled the first section of hair and ran the brush through the long dark tresses. As she continued, the flashbacks hit her with force. Lewis, running his hands over her head, pouring bourbon over her, his hands running over her legs, the phone call from Brian, all of it accumulated and hit her at once.

Olivia jumped and refocused herself, clenching her toes she felt her feet on the warm tiled floor, her uninjured hand now gripping the hairbrush so hard her knuckles turned white. She threw it into the sink in front of her, staring at herself in the mirror, disgusted with her own appearance as a few tears escaped her dark eyes no matter how hard she tried to stop them.

She quickly pulled open the door and made her way into the kitchen. She grabbed the large kitchen scissors from the drawer by the sink and followed the path of steam that had floated out from the bathroom.

Once again in front of the mirror she stared herself down, taking in her appearance, her pale skin, the dark circles under her eyes, her face slightly sunken in due to exhaustion and the fact she was barely eating one meal a day and had lost a bit of weight. Olivia grabbed a chunk of her hair, ignoring the tears that ran down her cheeks and cut, slicing the inches of her hair clean off and letting them fall to the floor.

She cut again and again, unaware that she was now sobbing and Brian could hear her through the door, she didn't hear his calls or his asking her permission to enter, all she heard was Lewis, his evil cackle, his haunting words echoing in her mind. She saw his face, his grin taunting her, looking back at her in the mirror as she cut inch after inch from her hair.

Brian pushed the door open and saw his girlfriend breaking down, the scissors in her hand fell to the floor with a loud clatter as steel hit tile and she began to fall with them, pushing herself back from the sink she stumbled and he immediately reached for her, letting her fall into his arms, her fingernails digging into his arms as he sat back against the bathtub and gathered her like a child in his arms, whispering soothing words in her ear as she cried into his neck.

"Liv, baby, focus. It's okay, I'm right here. He can't get you," He whispered, his fingers running over her head as she wrapped her still injured arm around his neck.

"It's okay" He insisted as they sat on the now cold bathroom tiles. "Shhh, just breathe babe, you need to breathe" He cupped her face with his hands and pulled her away from him, pressing their foreheads against each other he started taking deep breaths hoping she would follow his lead.

"Good, that's it, just breathe babe" He sighed when she finally started calming down, her breathing was shaky as her body trembled through another panic attack.

"Just take it easy, that's it. I'm right here"

Olivia moved slightly and laid her head on his shoulder, tightening her arm around his neck as they sat on the floor. "I'm sorry" She whispered, her voice unsteady as she felt herself begin to cry again

"Hey, don't be sorry" He ran his hand up and down her back as the other held her against him "You have nothing to be sorry for. Just focus on your breathing just now, forget everything else, you're gonna be okay."

"Am I?"

"Yeah babe, you are. I promise"

.

* * *

_thoughts? do you have a word you'd like me to use, let me know!_

_lyrics: Fix you - Coldplay_

_twitter: ahoycinderella_


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